He reached out his arm and screamed, “Stop!” A burst of light raced down his arm toward his fingertips, where it gathered for a fraction of a second before it shot through the air like a lightning bolt. When it hit the thief, he became paralyzed for a moment before he fell to the ground his hands and feet bound by the light. “Man, that’s a good affinity for this job!” the cop’s partner said. “I suppose so,” the cop replied, “but it would sometimes be nice to have a more powerful one.” His partner shrugged, “you take what you’re given, you know… ‘Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth’ or whatever.” “I suppose…” the cop sighed.
As the two cops walked to the jail, and the thief floated back, the cop mumbled, “…you know, if magic was still a thing of legends…” as he let his sentence fade, his partner looked at him knowingly. After a minute of two his partner said, “I know how you feel, how suddenly the magic came to us… sometimes I wonder if one day it will just disappear as quickly as it came, but then I say to myself, ‘the magic is here now, and showing no signs of going away’ and I vow to make the most of it.” The cop looked at his partner a good minute, and then muttered, “the last person I caught said that exact line, ‘I vowed to make the most of it’ I am sure that magic is here to stay but I wonder if it is doing more harm than good.”
This has the makings of a very interesting story - I love the combination of detective story and fantasy. I lok forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteI'm worried about a couple of things, though. For starters, this first post is a little short. There are also some problems with sentence structure - some fragmented thoughts and some run on sentences. Did you use Word as an editor? You might have caught some of this stuff.
We'll talk in class about dialogue, but there is a particular format for it. Anytime you switch speakers, you need to start a new paragraph.
Part of it may be that formatting, but at times this story is difficult to follow. I think you need to be more descriptive - much more descriiptive. And slow down - you have a lot of stuff happening here, but you gloss over the details and cram too much story into too small a space. I get that you're trying to throw us right into this world, but I think you need to do a better job of describing it.